P.S. on the latex thing: whatever causes the allergy in latex is also found in tropical fruits: bananas, papaya, passion fruit, mango, kiwi . . . . If this kid ever goes to visit his grandparents in Trinidad, he may have to go in a bubble! There is so much to learn - we have a book about spina bifida, but every time I open it I get freak out and have to close it. I guess there is plenty of time to learn most of it.

Meanwhile, I am already sick of even saying, "spina bifida." I think I have spent way too much time on the phone explaining things in the last week.

We have had to make a major decision this week whether to participate in an experimental study on spina bifiida babies. If we participate in the study, and are accepted into the group that we would want to be in, I would be having major surgery within the next three weeks. The study is looking to find out whether it is beneficial to take the baby out of the womb during pregnancy, repair the covering of the spine, and put the baby back in. I would have this surgery, and then have to live on-site in either Philadelphia, Nashville or San Francisco, on bed rest, for the remainder of the pregnancy. Their is a higher incidence of mortality to the infant, and an extremely high incidence of premature birth. My mom would have to come live with me, while Andrew stayed home with the boys. He would have to either drop out of med school for the time, or have his mom come live with him.

We decided it isn't worth the risk. I am so relieved. I would have missed Jack's birthday and Christmas, and the whole thing just seemed crazy. Not to mention not being with my husband for most of the time. Cody's prognosis is so much better than we thought at first, and we are receiving such excellent care here, it seems clear that God has us right where He wants us.

I have been thinking a lot about latex today. Most people with spina bifida are allergic to it (the doctors have no idea why), and some are severely allergic. Many babies used to die on the operating table because of the allergy. What has latex in it? I have no idea. I know that some diapers do, and catheters (which we will likely be using plenty of), pacifiers, bottle nipples, balloons . . . . I have not even cracked open the huge folder of papers they gave us at the spina bidifa clinic. There is so much new information, it is really overwhelming.

My unborn son, Cody, was diagnosed with spina bifida this week. Spina bifida is an open cord defect in which some portion of the covering over the spinal cord (bone, muscle and skin) has not formed completely, and the nerves of the spinal cord are exposed, causing a wide variety of problems.  In Cody's case the exposed portion is is very low, in the upper sacral area or the lower lumbar. This is good - the less nerve exposure, the less systems effected. The prognosis as far as our doctors can determine is that Cody will have some ability to walk using a walker or ankle braces, that he will have little control over his urinary and bowel functions, and little sensation from the waist down. Spina bifida also causes the spinal cord to be fused to the tailbone, causing it to pull down on the brain as he grows. His cerebellum has already herniated some into his spinal column. This causes a condition called hydrocephalus, in which pockets of fluid around the brain, called ventricles, are unable to drain, and become enlarged, putting excess pressure on the brain. Cody will have to have surgery within 24 hours of his birth to close his spinal lesion, and possibly to place a shunt from his brain to his stomach in order to drain the fluid. He may have to have other surgeries throughout his life. 

I am starting this blog to help keep informed the many, many people who are concerned about Cody's condition, and to record our progress throughout the pregnancy and into Cody's life. Cody's life will not be just about spina bifida, however, so I am expecting this blog to grow into so much more . . . .

Some may wonder why I have titled this blog "The Kindness of God," considering the events that are happening to us right now. Certainly, Cody's condition and the challenges we face don't feel much like a kindness. But God's kindness to us has already, in 6 short days, been very evident. I am sure I will explain more about that later, but for now, I want to tell you about the story of a "handicapped" boy that I have not been able to forget.

Mephibosheth was the grandson of King Saul, in the Bible. He was expected to be a king. But because of his disobedience to God, King Saul was deposed, and King David set up in his place. When Saul was deposed all of his family fled from Jerusalem and went into hiding, expecting the new king to hunt them down and take their lives. In the chaos, Mephibosheth, just a small boy, was dropped by his nurse, and became crippled for life. It was not until many years later that King David even knew that Mephibosheth existed.

After David had secured his reign, he asked his servant, " 'Is there no one still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show God's kindness?' Ziba answered, 'There is still a son of Jonathan [Saul's son and David's best friend]; he is crippled in both feet." 2 Samuel 9:3. David went on to find Mephibosheth and bring him before him. How terrified Mephibosheth must have been - he must have thought that the vengance deserved by his grandfather was to be brought down on his head at last. Instead, David restored to him all the lands that had belonged to his family, and commanded that Mephibosheth, the cripple and the outcast, would eat with David at his table for the rest of his life.

"I can see those little crippled feet swinging under the table with disbelief and delight while their owner incredulously sang, 'Amazing love, how can it be that You, my King, would honor me? It's my joy to honor You!" (Paul Anderson-Walsh, Until Christ is Formed)

My little boy may look different from those around him. But he is no different. We are all born crippled and broken, missing essential pieces to make our lives satisfying and effective. And life, as we go along, deals many a blow that breaks us more. But Jesus, who loves the outcast, the crippled, the blind, the weak, the poor, says,"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. It is not the whole and proud and strong that He wants. It is the outcast that He loves.

Some will say to me that if I had enough faith, God would heal my son. He never once promised me that. But He did give His own Son, Jesus, to suffer all of the agony that Cody may suffer, so that I can see my little boy sitting at His table, perfect in every way, knowing that he is loved and wanted by the King. That is His kindness to me.