I mentioned in an earlier post that we have a lot to be thankful for already:

Andrew is in medical school, which means that he understands a lot of what is going on, and is on the inside at the hospital. He can interpret a lot for me, and this is so reassuring.

Andrew's rotations have somehow been less demanding than usual. The residents and doctors he is working with have been very understanding about letting him leave when something is going on. One day we had appointments scheduled for the whole morning, and Andrew was in his surgical rotation, which is the most demanding of all. He was planning to come to our appointments anyway, but he didn't even have to ask for the time off - a surgical conference was in town, and he had the day off!

Andrew had already been through his pediatric and obstetrical rotations when we found out about Cody's diagnosis, which means that he has already worked with most of the doctors we are dealing with. The doctor that interprets our ultrasounds every month was actually Andrew's preceptor (sort of a mentor/boss) during his OB rotation. I don't know what kind of care other people get, but I can tell you that our care has been excellent so far. We have even had a doctor stay late after work to meet with us and answer our questions.

I have already had two c-sections. This might not seems like such a blessing, but since this one would have to be a c-section anyway, it means one less scary unknown. C-sections aren't fun, but at least I know what to expect. And, again, Andrew's knowledge this time around has helped to explain some parts of the procedure that were particularly scary.

Living about a two-minute drive from UVA, the best of everything is right at our doorstep. This especially includes the spina bifida clinic, where all the resources are in one location. A lot of people would have to drive for hours to get to one.

We have extremely supportive family, who are willing to drop everything to be here when we need them, for as long as we need them. 

Because Andrew is in med-school and I stay at home, the boys and I are on medicaid. This means that every single medical need that any of us has is covered. All of Cody's surgeries and care will be covered with no co-payments at all. What an unimaginable relief! I watch enough TV to know that not everyone can just sit back and relax about medical payments.

I have always been a pretty negative thinker, but somehow with this (on most days), I can see the positive. That in itself is something to be so thankful for - there is no way I could just change my personality and see things differently through self-effort. I know, because I have tried. I only know one Person who could make a change like that in me.

Lest I start to sound too perfect . . . I am having a really sucky day today. I have a terrible headache, and I am completely peopled-out.

I had to take the boys to the doctor today for flu shots and Austin's three-year-old check-up. Turns out that Austin has to have surgery to repair his herniated belly-button. Lots of kids are born with them (Jack was), and they usually heal up on their own, but Austin's didn't. It is really a no-big-deal, non-invasive surgery - possibly even outpatient, but still. Seriously, life? Seriously? The poor kid has already had rabies treatments this year, not to mention everything else that is going on. I really don't feel as sorry for myself as I sound - I know things could be so much worse. But I am not coping real well with anything today.

Jack and Austin's school pictures were yesterday, and I didn't find out till today that you have to pay for them ahead of time in order for any pictures to actually be taken. So Austin will have no school picture for his first year of school. Really stupid thing to be upset about, but I cried all the way to Lowes after I dropped them off. Jack's first school picture is so precious, I hate that Austin won't have one.

All of this is the worst thing about our situation for me right now. Having to wait 4 months between finding out about Cody's diagnosis and actually dealing with it. The day-to-day stuff is just unbearable sometimes. I have this huge thing looming in front of me, and I have to deal with tantrums and poop and picky eaters and nightmares and permission slips and dishes and headaches . . . . It sucks sometimes.

To top it all off, pregnancy seems to have inflamed my carpal/cubital tunnel syndrome till it is worse than its ever been, and I can't knit at all. I almost can't even cut my food or wring out a dishtowel. So, I have no outlet or interest to give me a little bit of fun and a feeling of accomplishment. I didn't knit last week, and it didn't help at all. I feel like a zombie.

A sweet friend of mine, who is due with a baby boy just a few weeks after Cody is due, asked me if I mind her talking about her baby. I don't mind. I don't feel badly about Cody's diagnosis. I am sad about it sometimes, and I get really scared and anxious about some of the details sometimes, but I don't feel disappointed or like I am getting gypped. I couldn't love this baby more if I could somehow know he would be the perfect child. I can't wait to see him and meet him! As my husband said today, this is right. This isn't some kind of mistake - this is the gift God has given us. A few years ago I think I would have seen Cody's condition as a form of discipline - something to make me "better" or more "righteous," or as some kind of test. But now I see it as a gift of pure love. He is a little boy - not a trial. Yeah, I might not always feel this way - I'm sure I will be angry sometimes, and overwhelmed with the responsibility. But thank goodness how I feel doesn't dictate reality. I have perfect peace about it, and that passes all my understanding.

We had another ultrasound today, and a consultation with the neurosurgeon. There isn't really anything new to report. Cody is growing well - 1lb, 9oz, in the 50th percentile. The lesion is right where they thought it was, and the hydrocephalis hasn't increased. Now it is just monthly ultrasounds until time for the c-section.