Learning to Practice Stillness

I love to knit. I can't stand to sit and watch t.v. without something in my hands to work on. I take my knitting with me to the doctor's office, to Bible study, anywhere I may have to wait. I even wish I could knit in the movie theater, but it is too dark and I think my date might feel a little neglected!

I have also learned lately that I need to learn to be quiet and still and feel the reality of right now. The last several years, with all of the trauma surrounding my son, Cody, have taken their toll and I struggle with depression, anxiety and symptoms of PTSD. There are times when I can barely function, and the dishes fill up the sink for days. There are times when all I can manage is to sit and look out a window. In these times, and when I am feeling better, taking a few minutes to concentrate and sit in the reality of God's presence in the now are where I can find peace. I am learning about meditation and contemplative prayer, and I find it really making a difference.

I have also learned that, for me, natural beauty and creating are essential to my peace and sense of well being. So, if I have to choose between the laundry and the garden, the garden is the better choice, and knitting while I watch the birds is more important than sweeping and vacuuming.

But knitting is expensive. I mean, really expensive. So I have been going to back to an old love: pencil drawing! It is a way that I can sit in stillness, observe and create. Here are some pictures I have been practicing my skills on.

Even for those who have not experienced trauma lately, but struggle to keep themselves together in the messiness and chaos of everyday, especially in the current state of our country, learning to sit and bask in the true reality that transcends what we experience is a helpful thing. We need feel the fact that, even above a lowering, stormy sky, the sun is shining on an infinite field of silver clouds, and that even in the darkness of a moonless night the stars stand in their pure brilliance as they always have. Beauty and joy do not die even when they cannot be felt for a very long time. And just sitting in the reality of Pure Love is the most real and productive thing you can do. I need to remember this. Like Mary, I need to choose a better way.